It would be almost funny to ask whether you ever get angry or even slightly irritated because of course, you do. We all do. So, don’t judge yourself or pretend otherwise by saying, “I hardly ever get angry.” If you have never felt anger, even once in a while, well… I honestly wouldn’t know what to say! And that’s okay. It’s perfectly human to feel anger. To put it on a very lighter note – anger is just another emotion but surely a low-vibe one. What differs from person to person is simply how we express it. Maybe your anger showed up when you were about to log off from work, and your boss suddenly sent over last-minute tasks. Or when you were ready to head out and play, and your mom reminded you of your unfinished homework. Perhaps it was one of those Sundays when you just wanted to relax after a crazy week only to have relatives drop in unannounced for lunch, stealing your hard-earned peace. I remember my last real bout of anger vividly. When my office decided to depend on an outside sponsor to run our event, not controlling it ourselves specifically when I was the event in charge to make the event successful. Suddenly, my control, my plans, my sense of ownership – everything felt stripped away. Discomfort bubbled up thus leading to irritation everyday. And the by-product was I was cranky every single day in all sections of my life. Now, think about it – when was the last time you got angry? Understanding the root cause of anger is crucial. The more we understand it, the freer we feel from this unpleasant emotion. But let’s be honest – can we live completely without anger, or any unpleasant emotion for that matter? You probably already know the answer. Here’s the thing we can control – whether we fuel that anger. We don’t need reasons, excuses, or justifications. Anger only grows when we feed it. Ever noticed how telling someone to “calm down” often makes them even angrier? That’s because anger thrives on resistance. I co-host an audio podcast with my husband, Take A Pause by Shweta & Sudeep, available on Spotify. In one episode, we explored anger as an emotion. Growing up, I was often labeled as “quick to anger” or “overreacting.” In this episode, my husband shared a fascinating story from mythology – Lord Krishna and his two brothers, Balram and a friend, faced anger like a ghost in the night. The more they reacted, the bigger and scarier the ghost became. But Krishna simply said, “You are nothing important. Do not disturb me.” When his brothers returned, they saw how tiny anger had become. This story illustrates a powerful truth – awareness gives us choice. We can decide whether to let anger take over or simply observe it and let it pass. Often, we are most aware in situations that matter to us – our awareness is naturally there. So, revisit a past situation in your mind, observe it as a third person, and just notice if you can. But this isn’t about measuring how much importance your anger deserves or even about learning techniques to manage it. Let’s take a step back and remember we are all resourceful. Each of us has the capacity to find our own path back to calm, but we have to decide that first. So instead of focusing on how to handle anger, let’s explore why it shows up in the first place. To truly understand the why behind our anger, we must first learn to accept it fully and without justification. No reasons, no excuses, just the simple acknowledgment that anger is a natural human emotion. When I witness someone else in anger including me, the first thing that arises in me now is compassion. Because, in truth, that person is simply reacting to something they did not like, a situation, a word, or an act that clashed with what they value or believe in. Anger often emerges when people or circumstances go against our inner compass. I know, it sounds easier said than done but that’s the truth of it. When we are angry, we lose sight of reality. We start judging, labeling, and adding unnecessary drama to what’s happening. But here’s something important to remember – it’s a choice. The more we feed our anger, the more resistance we build. Our ego steps in, whispering, “You are right, keep fighting, don’t give up.” It makes us feel powerful for a moment but in reality, it pulls us further away from who we truly are. When we get angry and fail to pause or pay attention to why we became angry, we unknowingly begin a cycle of inner hurt – a quiet trauma for the soul. Every time we ignore the root cause, we layer pain upon pain, and our emotional wounds go unhealed. That’s why it’s so important to slow down and ask ourselves, What really made me angry? Was it the situation itself, or the feeling of being unseen, unheard, or powerless beneath it? When we take the time to explore and gently “chunk down” the reason behind our anger, we shift the focus inward, towards what truly matters. Each time you honor your emotions and give your soul the importance it deserves, healing begins. And as your soul starts feeling cared for, understood, and acknowledged, the intensity of anger naturally softens. What once felt like fire begins to settle into warmth, a space where peace and clarity can finally grow. A very important part of healing is understanding what is truly within your control. Because if you expect people or situations to always behave according to your conditions, you will never really heal, only end up stuck in cycles of complaint, justification, and disappointment. Every time we complain, we drift further away from our empowered, authentic self. I do not need to confirm that for you? Not really, your heart already knows the answer. So instead, begin by taking care of yourself. Take a hot shower or soak in a warm bath. Pamper yourself with a full body massage. If time is short, even a gentle head or face massage can soothe your nerves. Write down what you are feeling in a journal to give your emotions a safe space to breathe. If you meditate, sit quietly and take ten deep, conscious breaths. Or simply talk to a friend who truly understands you, the kind of conversation where you feel lighter just by being heard. But a gentle reminder to you – you have to do the work. The first step in dealing with anger isn’t analyzing what triggered it or proving whether it was justified. It’s being compassionate to yourself. Telling yourself, “It’s okay. I did not like what happened, and this was my reaction. I accept my emotions, and I love myself for everything I am.” Don’t forget to forgive yourself for getting angry, for reacting, for being human. That’s exactly where healing begins. Because once you start truly caring for yourself, you begin to feel empowered again. And isn’t that what we all seek in our own ways, to feel seen, valued, important, appreciated, and loved? At the core of it all, every human heart is simply searching for that feeling of empowerment – the quiet confidence that says, I matter. Freedom from anger isn’t about never feeling angry again – it’s about recognizing it, accepting it, and choosing not to let it define you. The moment you begin to understand your emotions with compassion instead of judgment, you begin to heal. You start living from a place of response rather than reaction, and slowly, the grip of anger loosens. What remains is calm, strength, and self-love. Anger isn’t something to eliminate; it’s something to understand, observe, and transform. When you practice compassion, acceptance, and mindful action, you reclaim your inner peace, your power, and ultimately, your freedom. Here is my 5-Step process to heal when we get angry: Over time, I realized anger doesn’t need to be feared or suppressed, it needs to be understood. Healing starts with compassion and small daily practices that reconnect you to your calm. Here’s what has truly helped me: Step 1 – Accept Your Anger Anger isn’t your enemy – it’s simply a signal. Instead of judging it as “bad,” acknowledge it. Ask yourself, Why am I angry? What is this really about? For me, anger often arises when I resist something or when someone’s energy feels misaligned with mine. Taking a moment to pause and reflect helps me understand the root cause before emotions take over. Step 2 – Focus on What You Can Control When things don’t go your way, ask, Why is this bothering me? Often, it’s because we feel powerless. Redirect your attention to what’s within your control. That shift alone brings calm and clarity. True empowerment comes when you realize that you are enough and this situation does not decide what you are even though you can’t change it. Step 3 – Practice Mindful Breathing Mindfulness doesn’t need rituals, just presence. Take 10 deep breaths; inhale, exhale, and simply be. Gradually extend this to a minute or more. Stillness helps you face yourself with compassion, and that’s where empowerment begins. And remember we are only doing this to take care of ourselves in this furious state of anger which causes damage to our soul. Step 4 – See Anger as a Teacher Every burst of anger carries a message. Instead of suppressing it, observe it. What is it trying to tell you about your boundaries, your values, or your needs? Growth begins when you listen, learn, and choose your response consciously. Step 5 – Embrace Self-Acceptance Mindfulness teaches us to accept ourselves fully even the emotions we were taught to hide. Self-acceptance is true strength. The more you accept who you are, the more power you have over your thoughts, choices, and reactions. You do not have to forgive the person or situation who was the cause of your anger but forgive yourself for getting angry and damaging your own soul. Because true freedom isn’t about never getting angry – it’s about never letting anger decide who you are. Healing is not a one-time act; it’s a lifelong conversation with yourself, ultimately till it becomes like a mindset. So, keep taking care of you – gently, patiently, and with love yourself even when nobody is available to love you.
